Ok, we’ve already told you how to trim the fat off your guest list by not inviting those unnecessary people. However, no matter what you might think, unfortunately there are always exceptions that you’ll have to invite whether you want to or not.
Your bridesmaid’s boyfriend
If you’re having a small wedding, you can often get away with not giving plus ones to bridesmaids if they are single. They’ll be in close communication with you throughout the wedding planning process so you’ll know if they’re with someone and how long they’ve been with them. However, if your bridesmaid has a relatively long term relationship, you really should invite the boyfriend. Even if you don’t know him; even if you don’t like him. If there is a serious clashing issue, talk to her about it. You don’t want someone there who doesn’t like you but approach with caution and be prepared to have him there.
Your mother’s friends
Your wedding is about you and you should have complete control over the guest list. Yeah, pull the other one. There’s a good chance your parents are contributing financially to your wedding, in which case they are owed a certain percentage of your guest list. Even if they’re not contributing, it’s good etiquette to allow your parents some leeway with their friends, even if you don’t know them too well compared to some of your own friends. It’s important to decide with your partner if you’re going to give both sets of parents equal numbers or if you’re going to base it on financial contribution.
Party animal brother
This one is a given, immediate family has to get an invite. You might not get on with his sister, while your brother might be most likely to chat up the waitresses and pass out drunk on the chairs, but family is family and while you may not want certain individuals there, blood is thicker than water. If there are particularly family issues that you’re worried will affect the day, your partner might have to have words with his misbehaving family before the wedding. But remember, this is a two-way street, so if a member of your family is the problematic one, the responsibility to ‘have words’ falls on you.
Someone whose wedding you were just at
This one is a bit like an exception to the rule of not inviting people you’re not close with. If you’ve been invited to a wedding in the last six months and they still deemed you close enough to invite, they should be at least considered for your guest list. Unfortunately this one has no hard and fast rule as every relationship, situation and wedding is different. If you’ve got an invite to a wedding of 500 guests and you’re only having one for 100, then maybe you don’t have to invite them. However, if they’re having a wedding of a similar size to you and you didn’t expect an invite and got one anyway, you should probably consider them for inclusion.
Family first
Of course your family are invited but the key to this is, they come first. As much as you might want to consider all the friends in your life first, it’s important to put down all the necessary family that you plan on inviting down before you talk about friends. Although your guest list is entirely up to you, you can’t exclude all your aunts and uncles in favour of all your friends, your friends’ guests and even co-workers. It’s not always an easy rule to stick to but it’s easier to get the family list out of the way first because we all know, most of the family list is mandatory anyway.
Your niece or nephew
This one can be a bit awkward if you’re having an ‘adult only’ wedding but your sister or brother assumed that rule didn’t apply to his child. This is another guest that has no definitive rule because it depends on your family dynamic and situation. Every child counts as an extra guest after all. How many nieces and nephews do you both have? Can you afford to bring them all? Can you talk to your sibling about the rule? It can often turn out that you may have to invite them to the wedding, whether you have the ‘no children’ rule or not. If you do end up with some children at the wedding, you could always look at babysitting facilities at the venue or organise some entertainment for them.
The celebrant
Couples often forget about the celebrant or priest but it’s customary, to invite the priest or celebrant to the whole wedding and include him or her in the meal. It’s a big tradition in Ireland in particular, for the celebrant to also sit at the top table and say grace before the meal. It’s a guest you can often forget about when doing the final numbers as well as working out the top table. Couples also often forget to include themselves.
- Jenny Darmody
Image credits: Confetti: Brides | Bridesmaids: Pinterest | Groomsmen: Pinterest | Children: Oh So Beautiful Paper