We all know the potential problems that arise from welcoming another family into your life when you get married. There are going to be differences between the two families and sometimes these differences simply add a little variety to your life, but other times, the in-laws can cause some problems. You know what we mean. The dreaded mother-in-law. While plenty of brides get lucky and get the mother-in-law from heaven, others are not so lucky. Besides, even the best mother and daughter-in-law relationships have been strained by one of these problems in the run up to the wedding.
She’s getting too involved
Mother-in-laws are renowned for getting over excited once an engagement takes place. They want to get involved in every element of the planning, impart their wisdom and express their opinions about venues, flowers and themes. Before you launch into a tirade of “I didn’t ask for your opinion,” it’s best to see it from her point of view. Think about how excited your mother is and remember that his mother has the same excitement. She doesn’t mean to take over, she just wants to help. With that in mind, you can gently speak to her about forming your own opinions and ideas, as it is your wedding.
She’s dropping by unannounced
This could extend into your married life if you don’t nip it in the bud, and it actually goes for your groom’s mother-in-law too. That’s right, your own mother may be guilty of doing this and you might not notice as much because she’s your mother. Dropping by occasionally is fine, but if they’re doing it two or three times a week without so much as a phone call first, you have to talk to them. If you feel like your mother-in-law is calling over too much, look objectively at how often you think it’s acceptable for your own mother to call over unannounced. Make sure you talk to your fiancé too, because in this case, you should each handle your own parents.
She demands to see you to be there every Christmas
Mothers-in-law often do this. Depending on how long you live out of home, they have different expectations about who’s coming to who’s house for Christmas. Furthermore, it can be hard enough when you just have to go to one or the other on alternating years, but when you start wanting to factor in your own Christmases, things can get messy. Consider inviting both families over for your first Christmas so neither mother-in-law feels left out. We know there can be a natural inclination towards the bride’s family, but have a little consideration for your fiancé’s mother when it comes to important holidays.
She’s asking for grandchildren already
Mother-in-laws can be impatient. There doesn’t even have to be a wedding yet for her to start asking about the next big life goal. In her head, once the engagement ring is on the finger, that part is achieved and now it’s time to start thinking about the next one: babies. This can cause problems when you have no intention of having babies right away but she doesn’t understand why you would wait. Try and remember that she’s just excited, she knows grandchildren are imminent and she’s simply too excited to wait. Again, this is something your groom-to-be should sit down and talk to her about, especially if the constant questions are making you uncomfortable.
She’s feeling left out of the wedding
Unfortunately, the common thread for a lot of the mother-in-law problems is they are things you’ll have to tell her to back off for in the most polite way possible, which can leave her feeling a little left out, especially in the run up to the wedding. Don’t cut her out completely, we know you want don’t want her to take over but she’s as important to your fiancé as your mother is to you so it’s important to acknowledge that and make sure she’ not being left out of the wedding plans completely.
Image credits: Bride and mother: Pinterest | Bride: Etsy | Bride and groom: Jen Huang