There's a lot of work that goes into weddings, and as such, guests should behave a certain way when they're invited to a wedding. You don't want to be the person who put a slight dampener on the day because your phone wouldn't stop ringing or you had one too many drinks. Here are the top dos and don'ts for every wedding guest to abide by.
DO RSVP on time
A couple need to know how many guests are coming to their wedding, and the sooner they know, the better. As soon as you get an invite to a wedding, decide whether or not you can go and send an RSVP straight back as soon as possible. It's not good when the bride and groom have to spend time chasing guests when they have so many other things to be doing.
DON'T assume you have a plus one
When you're responding promptly, don't assume you are entitled to bring a guest. One extra person can cost anywhere between €70-€150 extra, and no matter what you may think, if the invite doesn't give you a plus one, then you don't have one. This goes for children too. Don't assume that because you and your partner are invited, that you can bring your children too.
DO organise a gift early
Make sure you get a gift from the registry if the couple have one, and organise it nice and early so you don't forget. Even if you can't attend the wedding, it's general practice that you send a gift anyway.
DON'T bring a bulky one
If you're opting for a physical gift instead of something that can fit in an envelope, it might be best to leave it home and send it out after the wedding. A bulky gift is awkward for you to bring but it's also awkward and difficult for the bridal party to have to take care of. It's much safer to send it after the wedding.
DO be on time
And not just right on time - you should be early. Make sure you're there in plenty of time so you don't risk getting there at the same time or after the bride! Fewer brides nowadays are leaving their groom waiting at the top of the aisle so don't assume that if the wedding starts at 1pm, that you have another 20 minutes to arrive. Be there before the start time.
DON'T miss the ceremony
If you're invited to the whole wedding, you have to attend the whole thing, and not just turn up at the reception. You may be thinking of the reception as the main part of the wedding but, the ceremony is the most important part and it's rude to skip the ceremony in favour of the dinner and drinks you will get at the reception later.
DO dress appropriately
This means following the dress code on the invitation if there is one. If it's black tie, make sure you get out the tuxedo and finery. If there's a theme, adhere to it. And if the church requires you to cover up your shoulders or your arms then make sure you bring a shawl of some sort.
DON'T wear white
Many would think this is obvious but it's so important it's always worth saying. White is pretty much off limits for all guests, as are most off white or cream colours. Any OTT ballgowns that might upstage the bride should also be steered clear of. If you're in doubt it's best not to take the risk. It's the bride and groom's special day and you don't want to do anything to stand out like a sore thumb, when the only people who should be standing out are the happy couple.
DO have a good time
It's a wedding! You're there to have a good time and to celebrate with the newlyweds on their special day. Embrace everything on the day. Enjoy the favours, the details, and any other extras the bride and groom have laid out. They're there to be enjoyed and the bride and groom want to see their guests having a good time.
DON'T drink too much
Just don't have too good of a time! Like we said, you're meant to enjoy yourself at weddings. But that doesn't mean having ten drinks and ending up passed out before dinner. You're there to have a good time but it's still a formal event and you're there for the bride and groom, not to get drunk. Be respectful and remember, everything in moderation.
DO hold off on Facebook pictures
You might be dying to share all the wonderful snaps you got from the wedding day, but just hold off for a bit. It's good etiquette for a guest to let the bride and groom share the first pictures of their own wedding day. They might not want their special day to be plastered all over social media just yet, so until they do, keep your finger off that send button.
DON'T be on Facebook
While you're at it, try to stay off Facebook altogether when it comes to being a wedding guest. Who are you on Facebook with? What are you looking at when you should be enjoying the wedding that you're meant to be present at? It's considered bad etiquette for a wedding guest to be on your phone a lot so just put it away and enjoy the company you're in.
DO wait to be seated
The first few rows in the ceremony are reserved for family, so if you're unsure about what side you should be sitting or how far back you are, ask an usher. The same goes for the seating plan at the reception. Seating plans take time and are carefully thought out systems, so don't just sit anywhere and don't decide to swap with someone else of your own accord.
DON'T forget to silence your phone
Back to the subject of phones, and it's good practice to have your phone on silent once you sit down at the ceremony and to keep it on silent for the rest of the day, unless you absolutely need it for someone, maybe who's at the wedding. You don't want to be the guest who has it on silent for the ceremony only for it to go off during the father of the bride speech because you took it off mute and forgot to put mute back on.
DO make dietary restrictions known
There's usually a box on the invitation for you to check or comment on if you have any dietary restrictions and it's important to put them down if you have any. If there's no box for you to write them down, then find somewhere to add them in or notify the bride or groom as early as possible. The wedding dinner is a well oiled machine by the time you sit down, and it's best for a guest to alert them to allergies or restrictions long before then.
DON'T complain about the food
It's just rude for a guest to complain. It's akin to going to someone's house for a dinner party and complaining about the food. You've been invited to a wedding and have a three-course paid for meal on top of any other extras you may have gotten. If some of the food is not to your taste, then you don't have to eat it but the last thing you should be doing is complaining about it.
- Jenny Darmody
Image credits: Invitation: Monumental Designs | Chairs: One Love Photography | Sign: Etsy | Place card: Paper Antler | Bride and groom: Feather & Stone | Table plan: Not On The High Street | Place setting: Anouschka Rokebrand